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Zurich has changed: the last gay crusade

A prolonged pit stop on the way to gay Mexico

By Suzy Size, your terribly old gay guide to Asia and the gay world

Masoala rain forest in Zurich Zoo)
Detour through a rainforest of Madagascar
When you diligent user of Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World read this tale about the newest adventures of Suzy Size in gay Zurich, your heroine is in Puerto Vallarta already. Puerto Vallarta is the infamous gay beach resort of Mexico and for many years your horny heroine has wanted to penetrate this gay heaven forcefully.

But, how the hell, did old Suzy Size get her ass from her luscious gardens surrounding Castelgandolfo her somewhat pompous residence near gay Pattaya to the foremost gay travel destination of Mexico?

By taking a detour believe it or not - through Madagascar, Serbia, Ethiopia, Brazil and the Dominican Republic!

Tulips not far from Masoala)
The tulips were flourishing in Zurich
If you bother to look at a world map, the route your heroine (supposedly) took makes no sense at all. Especially when you take into account, that Miss Size is tired of her sheer endless trips of the past, traveling alone three months in a row, sleeping in another hotel bed almost every night, but regrettably not always having a new night bed companion though which might have helped against said travel fatigue. As you the regular readers of Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World by now must know old age has taken a big toll size matters - on your formerly so flamboyant and energetic heroine who is only a shadow of herself nowadays.

When Miss Size therefore met her old friend Patricia Highheels in Zurich at Caf Odeon the former hunting grounds of your horny heroine thirty six years ago she declared: This is my last gay crusade! In the past six years I have been everywhere I wanted. The Eternal Suzy Size Gay World Friendship Tour will end with this hopefully very gay trip to Mexico and this seemingly endless blog naturally - will end as well.

After all: If something cannot go on forever, it will stop. I probably would even sell Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World, if there was an interested suitor that could keep up the good work.

Detour to gay Mexico: Through a Zurich rain forest)
Tropical rain forests need a huge greenhouse in Zurich
But before your heroine could see Patricia Highheels and all the other dear friends in her native Zurich the main purpose of her two times two weeks stay - she had to go to Madagascar!

Imagine this: Old Miss Size having flown in from Bangkok - arrived around 7 am in Zurich airport and was in Madagascar by 1pm!

No, she did not ride there on a supersonic broomstick, she took the tram. And, since she was early, she visited James Joyce and Elias Canetti on her way as well.

If you are not too familiar with Zurich this will come as a surprise: Up on Zurich mountain (Zuerichberg) which is only a hill actually, they are growing a tropical rain forest. This strange endeavor goes on for exactly ten years already and is very successful. It is located in a huge hall on 10000 square meters in Zurich Zoo and most tropical plants and all animals come from the Masoala National Park in Madagascar.

Two Nobel laureates are buried in Zurich)
James Joyce and Elias Canetti are buried in Zurich
Your plant loving heroine who regularly writes a gardening column in German language Magazine Der Farang had made arrangements for a private guided tour there. But since Miss Size hates to be late, she is always too early. So when she arrived at tram station Fluentern a three minutes walk to Zurich Zoo - she had time to visit the graves of James Joyce and Elias Canetti on the nearby cemetery. After, once again, experiencing den Triumph des Ueberlebenden (Canetti) your heroine was ready for a survival in that tropical rain forest as well.

Your heroine discovered many plants she already knew from her own garden (dj vu) where they are clearly mightier and more impressive (by the way), but did not say anything about that to her very accommodating and friendly guide.

Suzy Size secretly thought she might be able to snatch some seeds of rare jungle plants from Madagascar, but did not spot any: After all this rain forest is located in Switzerland and is probably swept two or three times a day.

Roessli Stumpen in Appenzell)
This animal does not live in Zoo Zurich
Your heroine has always been a movie buff, but whilst in Zurich the desire to enter a certain cinema became almost irresistible. For as long as your heroine can remember Cine Walche has been most famous for its anthropological movies regarding the wide topic of sexual behavior of straight primates. In other words: We are talking about a straight porn movie theater! Naturally, the content of those strange movies did not lure your horny heroine into the premises of said movie house Miss Size there saw disgusting, unspeakable things and not a few practices clearly against nature -, but she had heard cheap money boys gathered there too, offering their services for 30 Dollars, Swiss Francs, 1000 Baht!

Zoo elephants in Zurich)
Zurich elephants are spotted on the way to gay Mexico
Duty driven as always Suzy Size entered the door of Cine Walche to report back to the users of Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World about the gay things that might happen in that straight porn Zurich movie house!

Many gay places have closed in Zurich since the last visit of your heroine. Namely Pigalle Bar, T+M, Hotel Goldenes Schwert and Carrousel Bar have irrevocably shut down. And Carrousel was for decades the meeting place of the international male youth engaging in the noble cause of selling their bodies, thus delivering sexual pleasure to mainly older men who otherwise might have been frustrated and miserable.

Was it not possible and plausible that those gay heroes had moved from Carrousel to Cine Walche as well?

Suzy Size paid the entrance fee of 16 Francs or Dollars and took a very close look.

Lake Konstanz is a beautiful place)
Will gay Mexico be equally beautiful?
There were far more female whores and transvestites on the large premises consisting of three large screening halls and private, lockable porn cubicles than male hustlers. Actually there were just two on the first visit of Miss Size. One was grotesquely fat and wore a beard and tried in vain to lure your frightened heroine into a cubicle by those well known gestures with his terrible tongue. The other one looked OK and not after long Suzy Size after confirming the cash amount of 30 Francs for any work rendered entered one of those porn cabins.

This young guy from Serbia was clearly straight, he would neither kiss your loveable heroine nor blow her horn. This was it must be said - the most basic sex in a long time.

On two more occasions tried or tested Miss Size this strange movie theater, but never found Prince Charming. She had sex twice there with an overweight Ethiopian are they normally not starving and dying in drones? -, but decided afterwards that those experiences were definitely her last picture show at Cine Walche.

Happily she returned twice to Paragonya Sauna (which is more expensive and much, much better) and there traveled one times back to good old Brazil and once to the Dominican Republic.

And after all those detours through Madagascar, Serbia, Ethiopia, Brazil and the Dominican Republic your heroine was finally on the way to gay Mexico!

Readers Comments
5735 Ian, London 7 Jun 13
Dearest Suzy, I am so glad you are writing again! Long may your (reluctant?)adventures continue to burn and so rekindle a similar desire in the rest of us.

5736 Eduard 8 Jun 13
How time flies....

5737 Anonymous 8 Jun 13
SS, this is delightful. You have made my lazy Saturday afternoon in the hills outside Bandar Lampung most delightfully amusing.

One note about the (apparent) literary reference of your Zurich pal Patricia Highheels. Her moniker must be in homage to the marvelous Uranian murder mystery writer Patricia Highsmith,who lived in Swisherland for much of her (bumping-cunts) life. The creator of the charming and murderous Tom Ripley, you know? Great reads.

You mentioned Ethiopia. That gets near one of my eternal (and apparently unfulfillable) fantasies, the mammoth dongs of the Nubians, some of whom are thankfully Christian and therefore unmutiliated. You should definitely give that a tour sometime, though Sudan at the moment would seem somewhat awkward.

Watch out of old Mexico. Getting killed is easy as pie. Raped as well, though Suzy might alas get marginalized in the macho gang-bang.

Keep it up, old girl. See you in the (porn) movies.


5742 Ham_Yai 8 Jun 13
Oh Suzy...even small news from you are good news...doesn't matter from where u will pls never give up...entertain us....thx alot

5744 Ray 8 Jun 13
From far away Hawaii. We love u miss Suzie ,, I do hope u continue ur blog ,,,
Mekealohapumehana my dear ;-)
Rayco. Kailua-Kona Hawaii & jomtien

5745 johnny jet 8 Jun 13
Dear Suzy, like many of your followers I do hope that if you give up your World Tours, maybe, you will just began an Asian Tour??
I think it is in your DNA to blog about your exploits OH I mean
tours. You have to face the truth that you have a fan club who
sits back waiting for the next edition of Sticky Rice and the
"Exploits of Suzy Size". Best Regards, JJ

5746 Anonymous 9 Jun 13
It is always a pleasure to witness how the English language is manipulated by Suzie Size, usually to its detriment Even a visit to a sauna in Zurich becomes an education in the conjugation of the verb "to titillate". Having personally seen the charms of Castlegandolfo, I only hope Suzie is able to keep herself safely in her hotel room or wrapped under a large beach towel at Blue Chairs. Otherwise she may find a stiletto too sharp for even her rough old tongue. And that would be a terrible shame because I hope for a return visit to the Castel in January. Anyhoo, Puerto Vallarta has long been one of my favorite waddling holes and I do hope Suzie leaves it as pristine and rambunctious as I do when I visit bi-annually.

Yours as always,

Ms. Connie Lingus




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