Connie Lingus Advice Column

Dear Ms. Connie

In anticipation of a trip to Thailand last year, I decided to do a little preliminary research and make preparations to meet someone special before I arrived. Several of my friends here in Brighton who had been to Thailand, suggested that it would be more fruitful for me to make contact with someone over the Internet. I am in my mid-Fifties and am reluctant to put my photo on the Internet for anyone to see so at first I was a bit shy. But eventually, I got up the courage to create a profile and advertise myself on www.gaydar.uk.co. I was amazed to find a huge number of young men from Thailand who were not only aware of this huge Internet of possible connections. But several who could communicate in English. I was basically honest in my profile and asked for the same from my correspondents. Anyway, I was overjoyed to receive a communication from SOMCHAIBOY.2. He described himself as a “Top” which is what I was hoping for and said that he enjoyed Classical Thai Dancing. His other interests very much coincided with mine and he lived in a town, Lopburi, north of Bangkok where he said there were lots of naughty monkeys “just like him”. I didn’t really think much of this at the time. And I found it exciting to have someone with whom I could Chat over the Internet and get to know, sight unseen, prior to my visit.

Anyway, last March I traveled to Thailand and met Som in Lopburi. We went by train to Chiang Mai and then up to the Golden Triangle. He also could speak Lao so we went to Luang Prabang and Vientiane. I was able to visit the crypt of Henri Muot, whom you may know was the French explorer who discovered and publicized the ruins of Angkor to the world in around 1860. Som has become a very good guide to me in my travels. We have had a great sex relationship and now I am seriously considering sponsoring him to come to England to study English. I think one of the things that has made our Internet connection so good is the fact that he is not living in Bangkok or Pattaya but is basically a young man who lives and works in the countryside.

If I were to advise anyone who is exploring the possibility of establishing an Internet relationship before going to Thailand to visit someone, I would recommend making sure that you find someone who comes from the provinces. Young men who are from the countryside, are simpler and more honest. I hope you publish this letter Ms. Connie, because I like to think that my experience may help someone else who is planning a trip to Thailand and might want to make contact with someone before they take the plunge.

Yours truly,

Brian from Brighton, U.K.

Dear Brighton Brian,

Ms. Connie does not recommend to her readers how they initiate liaisons with possible tour guides when they are planning to arrive in Thailand to dabble their toes in the warm waters of sexual paradise. Ms. Connie has had enough sad experiences with certain of her correspondents who have taken her advice to heart, set up connections with some golden boy over the Internet or even snail mail, can you imagine, and then blamed Ms. Connie for the disaster because she indirectly recommended the way such a connection might be established.

Ms. Connie is a firm believer in the adage, let the buyer beware. If you are prepared to cast your cautions to the wind and engage in a tantalizing around the world correspondence with someone you connect with over the Internet, then you are to be congratulated on your courage if not your credulity. The Internet is of course a resource which shows no signs of tapering off in its value to anyone who wants to make contact with a possible mate. But Ms. Connie has dealt with numerous of her cherished writers who do not share your positive experience, Mr. Brian. They have set up elaborate mechanisms for that first meeting after months of writing their newfound friend in cyberspace only to find that the gorgeous hunk they were about to meet is not quite up to the lush self-description that led the writer on in the first place. Unfortunately writers on the Internet have a tendency to colour their version of the truth. Average build means rotund to tubby. Receding hairline is a sure sign of total baldness. Hair colour that is mixed is usually only mixed in its variations of gray. Roles that are assumed and cock size are definitely aspects of the profile that inevitably are not accurately depicted. Unfortunately, there is no simple solution to the age-old need to meet someone for a sexual adventure. The Internet can be a valuable tool for establishing contacts, but for those who place too great a reliance on what their chosen correspondents say, they are definitely ensuring that they will inevitably be disappointed. While you Brian were indeed fortunate to link up with someone who came from the countryside, who was educated and spoke reasonable English, Ms. Connie has been around too long to get into the business of suggesting to her beloved readers that the Internet can replace the more natural route of coming to Thailand and hanging out until the right person comes into view. The pitfalls of setting up expectations over the Internet, having that person meet you at the airport and then commit to a trip around wherever, means that you may get off the plane and into bed for that first night of bliss, only to find that it ain’t what was advertised and then you are saddled with traveling around with Mr. Wrong for the rest of your trip, unable to shake your paramour loose until you get back on the plane for the trip back home. A rather expensive exercise in frustration for the cherished two weeks of bliss in the Tropics you’ve saved for and planned on for months. Thailand is waiting to welcome you for the winter holidays and so many possibilities are dusting off their Christmas decorations for the coming season, it seems a pity to put all your balls on the same tree. Yes, Mr. Brian, you and Somchai may have connected over the Internet and it did work for you. But how many other disasters are out there waiting for you to commit via the Internet? Best to travel light and take the risks. There is no easy answer via the Internet except hotel and travel bookings. Love or sex is still best left up to the real eyes of the beholder.