Stuck in not so gay Caracas, Venezuela

Waiting for Godot in bloody Caracas

By Suzy Size, your gay guide through Venezuela and South America

When your almost divine heroine Suzy Size was finally sitting in a taxi that brought her to the Caracas airport, she thought she was on her way out of the most dangerous city of South America, maybe the most dangerous city of the entire world. But then the endless queuing started at this not very user friendly airport. After about one and a half hours Miss Size was close to reaching the check-in counter, but a young rude soldier demanded to search her luggage.

Look, gay visitor of Venezuela, Suzy Size was not afraid that he would find bundles of US Dollars in her luggage, the strict currency controls of the Chavez government are the main reason all passengers at the main Venezuelan airport are searched thoroughly by young soldiers just fallen from a tree, without the least manners naturally. Caracas had been very expensive and Miss Size had not much cash left.

Neither was Suzy Size afraid, all her dildos, countless packages with gliding cream or her expensive fur coats – she had declared them all when she had entered that silly country – could be confiscated, but her precious seeds!

When your gardening heroine had entered Venezuela, customs had confiscated all those precious and irreplaceable seeds she had collected over time. But during her four days in Caracas Miss Size did not rest, she tried to recover some of her losses. Right in front of her hotel she had found extremely attractive tropical flowers, never seen in Thailand. Every day she stopped there and discreetly stuffed some of those seeds into her handbag. She had eaten countless sweet and so delicious farangs (guavas) that come in pear shape, are yellow on the outside and red inside and painstakingly dried the tiny seeds: This variety of those fruits are also unknown in Thailand and Miss Size was daydreaming of becoming a millionaire alone by cultivating those wonderful farangs in her homeland of choice. But now, in front of that stupid, young recruit, she not only feared, those precious seeds could be confiscated, that idiot might accuse her of trying to bring seeds of illegal drug plants out of the country or whatever...

Suzy Size was sweating a lot when she unlocked her suitcase and the young brute went through her dirty laundry piece by piece. But fortunately he was only looking for cash, nothing else. And your relieved heroine was finally allowed to proceed to the check-in counter of TAP and was practically on the way to Lisbon at last: with all her so precious seeds. But there they wanted to see her Star Alliance card and did not allocate the seat she had chosen months ago! As if they were sorry, they handed your heroine an invitation to their business lounge and after passing through immigration and the security check, Miss Size went there immediately for some tasty snacks and numerous free drinks.

Your tired heroine was happy now!

Life was so beautiful!

She had survived bloody Caracas and would never ever return to Venezuela.

She was definitely on her way out in style.

But then, after hours of delay – the business lounge had closed already and thrown out all the happy drinkers – came the bad news: The plane was not going to take off that night, was indefinitely delayed. All passengers had to reenter Venezuelan immigration and customs – what a nightmare - and were finally bused to a hotel nearby.

The reason for the cancelled flight was a dispute between the Chavez government and IATA. Once in a while the Chavistas took retaliation and randomly blocked a foreign plane by asking for papers no airline is ever asked to show.

Nobody knew when this TAP flight finally would be allowed to take off and the waiting game started.

The hotel was neither good, nor was it bad, the food though quite horrible. A beer of 1.8 dl in said place was priced with 8 US $ and your beer loving heroine went on a dry period there, she was not paying such outrageous prices.

Ian, Suzy Size felt like you when you were up in Norway!

The hotel could not be left for two reasons: The plane could start any time, but nobody knew exactly when and the passengers had to be ready permanently.

And since criminality in the neighborhood was so rampant, it was very much advisable to strictly stay on the secure hotel premises. The very last thing your heroine wanted was to get mugged now at the very end of her journey. That had happened at the start of her trip in Fortaleza.

To cut a long story short, the flight to Lisbon left Caracas with a delay of fifty five hours. Suzy Size was still sitting in business class and had a lot of Champagne even before the take off.

After catching a connecting flight to Zurich, TAP had lost the suitcase of your heroine, containing all those precious seeds. Your hungry heroine borrowed an empty suitcase of a friend the next morning, filled it with sausages, Swiss chocolate and other goodies and rushed to Milan by train to catch her flight to Beijing that very night. After eight hours in Beijing airport, the plane finally took off to Bangkok. Suzy Size was so relieved when the pilot announced he was going to land in Bangkok shortly. But then a storm prevented this and the plane went to Kuala Lumpur first to await better weather.

Your heroine finally landed in Bangkok early morning, after another delay of just seven hours and was really looking forward to walk through her garden. Were all her precious plants still alive or had a disaster struck Castelgandolfo as well? Read the final chapter, the 41st installment, of this sheer endless blog about the newest Gay World Friendship Tour of your heroine Suzy Size next week, here, exclusively on Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World.