Sexy gay ghosts and the Pattaya gardens

A mad love affair with the new Pattaya gardener at Castelgandolfo ends tragically

By Suzy Size, your glorious guide to gay Pattaya and gay Thailand

When your benign heroine returned to her good old Pattaya – after truly gay months in Brazil, Chile and Argentina – she found her greenhouse (actually a shadow-house and thus serving as her Castelgandolfo nursery) in tatters. The plastic sheets supposed to filter out the devastating and merciless sun were hanging idly near the floor, just moved up and down occasionally by relentless winds. The pots in the 240 square meters wide greenhouse area were overgrown by weeds, one could hardly see what your motherly heroine was trying to nurse. Bushes urgently needed trimming and the grass had to be cut at once, to avoid stepping on a snake by accident.

What a mess!

Look, gay traveler to Pattaya and the world in general, yet another gardener had deserted your heroine in her absence, had left without saying good-bye, was now probably working as a sexy go-go boy in one of the gay joints of Boyztown or as a freelance money boy at Jomtien beach. He certainly had the looks and Miss Size now almost regretted of never having molested him, but such is the iron rule of Suzy Severa Size: Never, never do have sex with your staff!

A perfect gay Pattaya gardener?

This had been the seventh gardener in about three years and your heroine had little hopes when the new man finally started. But, to her great surprise, Khun Ponat was completely different from the others. He did not spend his drunken nights in Sunee Plaza, or at Cupidol nor did he spend his last dime on the fabulous Bad Boyz at BoyzBoyzBoyz. He did not report to work with a terrible hangover every Monday morning and at least half an hour late, refrained from Ya Ba, Ganja and the likes. Suzy is certain, Khun Panot never even tried poppers!

Instead he proofed to be a hard working man, diligent and punctual. He was less messy than Suzy Severa Size and neatly rolled up the water hose each time after use. In no time he returned order and sense to the luscious gardens at Castelgandolfo which had been severely threatened by decadence and decay.

Khun Ponat built some perfect and very solid shelves for the garden shack of your heroine, he had said he was a carpenter too, but your mistrustful heroine only believed him when he started building them. He knew exactly what he was doing, was working like a farang. In the garden he introduced composting as well which is much better than burning the garden waste once in a while.

Are you surprised, gay traveler to Pattaya, that your heroine fell in love with her splendid gardener? She would rather let the quite useless boyfriend of so many years go than wonderful Khun Ponat!

The new gardener of your happy heroine is 55 years old and that explains why he does not waste his nights in discos and the like, he does not drink at all by the way.

Khun Ponat does not hang out in the notorious Pattaya gay bars either since he has a wife and two children, one of them being a lady-boy though.

Suzy Size was so happy she found her wonderful gardener, until tragedy suddenly struck at Castelgandolfo.

Look, gay or straight visitors of Pattaya or Thailand as a whole, there are ghosts or spirits loose in this kingdom. Your heroine has never seen any, but what does that proof after all? Do you ask a blind man for the right way, if you are lost?

When Khun Amorn suddenly saw some ghosts the other night, he got so scared or even frightened, he bumped the car quite badly.

Look, your heroine finds drunk driving – after extensive reveling at the gay bars in Pattaya, seeing a many sexy (g)hosts there on stage - the more plausible explanation, but not the boyfriend of so many years. At least he told the insurance, he tried to avoid a dog instead of ghosts, heading the advice of Miss Size.

But then another bad thing happened: Your heroine – whilst watering her precious plants – found a badly hurt and almost starved kitten in her greenhouse, right besides that high wall. For about 10 days the veterinarian tried to save the poor thing, but it was paralyzed from the waist down and finally had to be redeemed and was ceremonially buried in the garden.

And then that terrible accident happened to the beloved gardener!

The neighbors had long complained about the beautiful bamboo which was growing along the 3 meter wall, some branches hanging over a bit on their side. Khun Ponat had been trimming them all morning, when ready to climb down from the wall with the ladder he fell down and was hurt badly. Your heroine Suzy Size was standing on the other side of the wall when she heard a vague sound, like “plop”. Then the neighbor shouted “laew, laew” (“quickly, quickly”) and Miss Size feared for the worst while rushing over there.

He was conscious, but in bad pain. Since the car of Khun Amorn was in the garage to be repaired (remember those damn ghosts!), he had just borrowed the vehicle of Suzy to go to town. It took him agonizing 15 minutes to return and rush that poor gardener - who could hardly breathe - to the local hospital near Wat Yan.

That poor man was treated there with expedience and great respect, Suzy Size was amazed about the professionalism at this simple, but clean government hospital.

He had 5 broken rips and one of them had punctured the lung which was deflated now, not unlike a balloon that is hit with a needle.

Khun Amorn was very alarmed now and consulted with some very good and famous “moh doo” (seeing doctors) in Nong Khai. The diagnosis was very clear. By building that wall without proper rituals your heroine had angered the ghosts living on that land and they had taken revenge. To pacify them, Khun Amorn joined a wat near Rayong for a whole week.

Then all inhabitants of Castelgandolfo had to sacrifice the proper food to the ghosts last week, accompanied by old rituals.

Furthermore, the monks are scheduled to come and bless the house on an auspicious occasion very soon.

And one very positive result could be observed already, Khun Ponat, the unlucky gardener, was released from the hospital last week after 19 days of treatment.

He probably cannot work for several weeks, maybe months, but that is just fine with your still shattered heroine.

This whole love affair was a close call…

Gay visitors of Thailand be warned: Never fall in love with your gardener.