Not interested in gay Caracas, Venezuela

The most dangerous city of South America

By Suzy Size, your gay guide through Venezuela and South America

Look, prospective visitor of gay Caracas or gay Venezuela rethink your travel plans! All the bad things you hear about Caracas, the most dangerous city of South America, are true. Your heroine Suzy Size has no intention ever to return to Caracas – that shithole - under any circumstances. Read her lips: Never ever in this life or the many that might follow is Suzy Severa Size going back to bloody, bloody Caracas!

When your heroine Suzy Size dutifully updated the Pink Pages of Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World regarding Caracas, she had no idea yet how much she would hate the place. But the first doubts arose, when she tried to book a hotel at a reasonable rate. The best deal she finally found was a centrally located hotel at 85 Euros a night, not including breakfast.

Approaching Caracas by plane, your heroine was handed all those endless customs and immigration forms. Not only did she have to declare all her cash, the electronic equipment, all the clothes and the value of each and every item had to be listed. The stamping of the passport went smooth but the real problems came at customs where all bags were x-rayed and all the collected seeds of your gardening heroine were once again confiscated.

Suzy thought about bribing them, but did not try it. Only later she learned that this was common practice and she could have gone away with it and her precious tropical seeds.

Your heroine changed some money at the airport and boarded an incredibly expensive taxi that took her for 75 US $ to her downtown hotel. Caracas is located in a valley measuring 2 or 3 kilometers in width between hills. The endless and depressing slums surrounding center of town creep up the hills. The hotel was OK, but never worth its high price at least it was located in a safe downtown area, though the internet only worked sporadically.

The best about Caracas: They do have Mc Donalds!

And your heroine Suzy Size normally despises such horrible fast food chains. But in expensive and chaotic Caracas their outlets were like an oasis in the desert, an outpost of true civilization where at least the internet was working!

But even here they had not enough change, once Miss Size got a discount, the other time she paid a bit more…

The prices in Caracas are outrageous which is due to the unrealistic and fixed exchange rate of the Chavez government. For half a chicken, some french-fries and two small beers your heroine was charged 27 US $, tip not included. It was soon clear to your heroine, she had to find the black exchange market. Time and again she walked by the large hotels in her neighborhood where in countries with similar currency controls normally money changers offer their services. But not so in Caracas!

Miss Size in the end – shortly before getting broke – she approached the taxi drivers in front of her hotel and asked them where she could change with a decent rate? The leader dialed a number on his mobile and little later walked your heroine to a car repair shop nearby. The owner of said repair shop invited Miss Size into his air conditioned office, offered a glass of water and asked an aide by mobile to bring in the amount Suzy wanted to change: His rate was double the official rate and never in her life has your heroine met a more cultivated black market money changer. That entrepreneur has to buy spare car parts in dollars that he only can get at realistic terms on the black market.

Your heroine was sitting in a restaurant one night having dinner, when a Chavez activist approached her. The man showed his badge and made an offer Miss Size probably could not have refused it if she had been a Venezuelan citizen. He had some slum children with him and demanded of your heroine to invite them for a dinner. Suzy Size who did not want to do that at all just responded, she did not speak Spanish, was a foreign tourist. She was left alone, but that man explained his brilliant idea to another guest who was Venezuelan and therefore could not refuse that harassment.

Naturally, your heroine was not at all surprised said Hugo Chavez has been reelected to another term in office, even though the country is in a lousy economic shape.

Where is the gay meat in Caracas? Frankly speaking your heroine has no idea. There was no cruising in that safe downtown area of maybe 20 square kilometers Miss Size never left. Whereas all the gay places of Caracas that were of any interest for Suzy Size were located in unsafe neighborhoods that should only be reached and left by taxi.

Since Caracas is the most dangerous city of South America when it comes to crime, your heroine was just too tired after almost three months on the road to take any personal risk to get laid in fucking gay Caracas.

After four nights in bloody Caracas, she boarded a taxi that brought her for the equivalent of 20 US $ to the airport.

Your heroine thought she was finally leaving that horrible place for good, but that was really a severe error of judgment!