The picture of Suzy Size

Happy gay birthday in Porto Alegre

By Suzy Size, gay Florianopolis and Porto Alegre

When your benign heroine arrived in Florianopolis, a mishap took place. Your traveling sentinel to the whole gay world had booked a convenient hotel through booking dot com in the Pink Pages of Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World, Brazil section. Whenever there are no gay hotels available in a country (which is true for most of Brazil), Miss Size will make reservations through this excellent site (and get a small commission as the owner of the Sticky Rice website, keep that in mind, gay user, you can thus support your heroine, too).

Suzy had chosen Valerim hotel for two reasons: Price and vicinity to the Rodoviarrio (do not ask stupid questions, Eduard), just walking distance from the bus terminal. When the bus from Curitiba finally arrived in Florianopolis (after stopping in countless hamlets towards the end of this journey), Suzy saw the name of her hotel on top of a nearby skyscraper and immediately walked in that direction.

But, alas, your heroine had just left the pedestrian overpass with her backpack, the computer case on the left side attached to the shoulder and her right arm was pulling the heavy suitcase with wheels (filled with all those fur coats, high heels and most massive dildos) when the ungrateful handle of her brand new suitcase (bought together with her pink wrist watch – broken down in Sao Paulo and still showing Istanbul time - in good old Pattaya) suddenly broke off.

Suzy Size screamed aloud and got sufficient attention by some local youth she had come to corrupt, but now left a bad impression to them by making believe, she was a bit of a freak which naturally is an understatement.

No young man offered any help to your almost frail heroine and after some most scary screaming and vulgar expressions – which are deleted here in order to not annoy the Singaporean Censorship further that has banned the book “Wanderlust in Gay Asia” already and may try to block the Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World website as well in order to prevent the gay masses of the city state to demonstrate in Orchard Road against that ban like the Egyptians have demanded and maybe won freedom.

Suzy carried her heavy load up the hill and was sweating (and swearing) a lot when she finally entered the hotel lobby.

So the start in Florianopolis was messed up and Suzy never really recovered from this. She was – for your convenience, gay traveler to Brazil - busy updating the Pink Pages of Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World, Florianopolis section, whilst in the city but found no time, had no energy to visit all those places and give you a firsthand account of erotic escapades or encounters of our kind. It rained often during the two days in Florianopolis, so Miss Size refrained from visiting the famous beaches on Santa Catarina island. She was frantically running around to buy a new suitcase at a reasonable price which was not easy at all: Such common things of everyday use are completely overpriced in Brazil, compared to good old Pattaya where the living is easy.

The only moment she was tempted to do anything carnival was, when she saw a young man closing down a store with massive iron bars and many padlocks and iron chains. His pants always slid down – probably due to gravitation and a non existing belt – and thus your heroine could take a good look at his stylish underwear and his godly ass. The brand of his underwear was: “Carpe Diem” which was a clear invitation for Miss Size, meaning: Seize the day!

But the only thing your heroine was able to do, she took a picture of the “Carpe Diem” guy, and it is of very questionable quality, she must have been terribly over excited and shaky.

Suzy Size, your old heroine, showed more photographic skills when she suddenly bumped into a figure that looked exactly like herself! Look, gay traveler to the world, we have never published a picture of Miss Size so far and many biographers and masses of Size scholars have rightly lamented this lack of visibility, this lack of a clear picture.

There are, of course, good reasons for this photo shyness of your heroine.

How could she possibly test the amenities (including the juicy men) of the gay world, if everybody knew her face?

The word would spread:

“Look, over there, that is Suzy Size.”

Owners of badly managed go-go bars might revert to dirty tactics, pay some of their most talented money boys to befriend naïve Miss Size and she might then misjudge the situation, thinking she was loved for what she is und thus getting the wrong picture of any given gay venue.

Only, if absolute anonymity is guaranteed, your heroine can report back to you in that objective manner you deserve.

So by taking the risk of publishing above face which exactly mirrored your heroine in Florianopolis, was the exact picture of Suzy then, it must be understood, she underwent a total makeover right afterwards and now is not recognizable any longer to anybody that has seen or even studied that unique picture for several hours.

And, clever Suzy, immediately made a pact with the devil she called on Skype: From now on above picture will age instead of your benign heroine, a treatment she learned from her good friend Oscar.

Who says, you cannot teach an old dog a new trick?

Suzy liked her next stop in Porto Alegre (happy port), but be patient, gay traveler to the world, your heroine will describe to good things she experienced there at the end of this installment. Before flying over to Chile she had to get rid of her illegal substances…

If you are a regular reader of this sheer endless and nearly senseless blog, you will remember that naïve Miss Size almost went to jail last year because of the illegal substances she tried to smuggle into so orderly Chile. She was caught in the act (with 1.6 kilos of seeds) which cannot be brought into that country.

As an old seed addict your heroine could not kick the habit whilst in Brazil and had so far collected 417 grams of the most interesting plants to grow one far away day back in the luscious gardens surrounding her estate Castelgandolfo.

To cut a long story short, if you have ever been aggravated by the Thai postal system, think twice. The correio in Brazil is far worse. To send a simple package to Switzerland (the sister of Suzy is visiting Thailand in May and acts as the mule) took 45 minutes and did cost 25 $ US! An endless form (with three copies) had to be filled in and the postman had to take a personal look at the content and thus your heroine had to reopen the carefully sealed parcel.

In Porto Alegre they have several gay saunas and the Pink Pages of Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World are now very up to date. Suzy took a taxi to Hera sauna (com boys) only to find out it had closed for good (the taxi driver outed himself as a former visitor). Your restless heroine went to sauna Conves (sem boys) and was by far the youngest of the all together three visitors.

Then she went to magnificent Mezzaninu (com boys), watched the guys getting hard ones whilst watching straight porn movies. There was only one bottom (pasivo) on the spic and span premises, but he was slightly fat and terribly hairy.

Suzy liked a 20 year old fellow called Christian who was top but could be bottom, but not for the usual rate of 70 Reais (42 $ US), greedy bastard!

Suzy picked a good looking fellow, but unfortunately did not kiss him before booking. If your heroine has learned anything about the Brazilian male: If they do not passionately kiss, forget them. This guy was absolutely horrible, had not even bothered to take a shower after shitting.

But when Miss Size returned to posh Mezzaninu on her birthday, she followed her above given advice to the point and had a great trip to heaven with a chocolate brown darling from the Amazon area.

Happy birthday, Suzy Size!