Extras – and belt tightening

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence

By Suzy Size, gay Pattaya

Not only Greece, Germany and Britain are belt tightening at the moment, your almost divine heroine does the same thing. Her latest trips were expensive, her stocks are way down and the donations of you – gay readers of this blog – to the noble cause of describing the whole fucking world through a gay perspective – yes, in the notorious and eternal Suzy Size Gay World Friendship Tour - were, mhh, minimal, to say it friendly… One could characterize the amount of donations as almost non existent. So send some extra dough, if you have some to spare in these hard times, if not, do not worry too much, the fur coat collection of your heroine does not yet have to be auctioned off.

Not yet. But as a prudent Swiss lady, Suzy just takes some precaution for the time being and does not spend more than she has till the big money will arrive from her Graviola tree farming attempts. A lot of work, every day. Little reward right now. This week the roughly 200 palms had to be repotted. And much more work is looming, day after day.

It is still incredible how cheaply one can live in Pattaya. And there are always inexpensive extras in reach, even when belts are being tightened. Porn DVDs in Jomtien beach are available for 80 Baht. Or if you are more into arts - Suzy Size likes both spectrums of the human nature – you buy Hollywood movies for 100 Baht. Suzy bought “Shutter Island”, a Martin Scorses picture with Leonardo di Caprio the other day. And “Inglorious Bastards” by Quentin Tarantino. She was really looking forward of seeing the performance of Christoph Waltz who won an Oscar for best performance as an actor in a supporting role. (Actually, the copy purchased in Jomtien beach was of bad quality and Suzy could not watch that movie…) When he won his (surprise) award Suzy read everywhere that Waltz was a “completely unknown actor”. But that is not true, at least Suzy Size has known about his talents for years. She has actually performed besides him on stage, believe it or not, your heroine is not (always) bloating. Must have been about 1984 or 1985 when well known director Professor August Everding staged “Amadeus” by Peter Schaffer at Schauspielhaus in Zurich. A very young Christoph Waltz performed as Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Suzy was at his side: She worked as an extra.

With fondness does your graying heroine think back of her seven years as an extra in Zurich. She was young, so young then and most other extras were young, too, gay and eager to play on and off stage. Suzy had most of them without any money involved, a very happy time without much fear of Aids yet. Youth, sweet youth…

An extra plays a small, but important role. As a servant he delivers the so important message that keeps the play playing, the actors acting, the action alive. If that darn message does not arrive – due to drunkenness or other possible reasons for the absence of that small extra -, the play cannot go on.

How do you play a king? Or, should we ask, a queen? You cannot. It is the surrounding that establishes a king on stage. If nobody bows, how can the audience know that this guy, this jerk over there, is supposed to be a king?

In Pattaya many Farangs seem to suffer from lack of attention. To counter that terrible feeling of neglect by the world, they group some money boys around themselves in Jomtien beach or even open up a gay bar. The staff, those paid boys, will listen to what that eloquent Farang has to say in carefully chosen English terms. HE is here on a mission. But few of those Farangs realize that those simple Thai boys do not understand a quarter of what that so terribly important Farang has to say. It is a well known fact, when top managers have to resign from their jobs, they often suffer from the sudden lack of attention. Nobody there any longer that asks for their precious advice. Nobody there any longer who looks up, to give them face. They all lack extras and their self esteem falls into a deep hole. Move to Pattaya, gents. There are still some empty beach chairs in Jomtien. And you can buy all the eager extras you need for a reasonable price. They will certainly pretend to listen, but will little understand. And this is maybe better for both parties involved.

Suzy Size, restlessly battling with butterflies in her garden, (watch those dreadful eggs in the picture, a product – naturally - of ruthless heterosexual acts), suffers of attention syndrome sometimes. The cows, nearby, do not take notice much of your heroine, nor do they seem to sense how wise she is. They just look over the fence and are absolutely certain, the grass is greener over there where your heroine just stands and takes a picture. Those insensitive cows ignore Miss Size. And so does the world, it seems, at times. She thinks, she needs a break, has to get a treat in these belt tightening times, a little extra, besides all that hard work in the garden. How about a dirty weekend in Phnom Penh? Three months Pattaya in a row are a just a little bit too much. Give your heroine a break. Please!

So Suzy Size should be in Phnom Penh right now, this was the plan for some extra pleasure. But her booking with Air Asia was not confirmed. The system gave her no credit or maybe she gave in a wrong number of her credit card? Or this is a scheme to extort extra money? Who knows? Your heroine is slightly senile at times, so she could be at fault. She calls the call center and is put on hold for eleven minutes. When finally she talks to a girl and gives her the booking number, the reservation in the mean time has fallen through the system. Does Suzy want the girl to take her reservation by phone? Yes, of course. But now the price is much higher, an extra of 30%. Not good in belt tightening times. So Suzy tries the net again. But, at short notice, the price is now far too high for a little extra time.

Next week is another week, if we can hang on to that little bit of life left in an old tart like your heroine. Suzy gives it a try. She manages to make a booking for the following weekend. And this time it is confirmed at a very reasonable rate. Bravo, bravissimo!

The Mia Noi is quickly rescheduled from Saturday to Thursday.

An extra short time.

Attention for Suzy Size.