Does wonderful Nacho really exist?

A threesome in gay Buenos Aires – part 2: Professionals

By Suzy Size, gay Buenos Aires

You will, gay visitor to Argentina, meet many strange professionals in the land of the gauchos. Unemployment is high and that has lead to professions completely unknown in other – more sound – places of the world. You can see in the streets of Buenos Aires men – never has Suzy Size seen any women (or transgender) making a living in these odd jobs – who walk up to 15 or even 20 dogs. Your heroine suspects, that – like in Thailand – Argentinean dogs are not only pets, but status symbols. The owner buys an expensive dog, has it washed and coiffed and paraded by a professional dog walker, day after day, the show must go on like the almost eternal Suzy Size Gay World Friendship Tour. There comes one disadvantage with the possession of a dog (besides that it has to be feed once in a while and that it might bark loudly and untimely), the beast shits! The owners of the animals are probably too busy with doing nothing than being beautiful – and spending bundles of money – to walk their pedigree canines who – sorry to talk about such a dirty business bluntly in this otherwise so sophisticated blog – happen to shit and pee.

Some even bite, but that is a different problem and not really of any concern to the thoughts of your heroine Suzy Size or the Pink Pages of Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World.

There are other peculiar professions in Argentina: At every bus station there are baggage handlers that will lift your suitcase into the baggage compartment of the bus, will hand over a number (receipt) and expect a tip of at least one peso (25 cents US). When you arrive at Retiro bus station in Buenos Aires (as your heroine did together with the straight couple Sahib and Mam, coming from Rosario) you are expected to tip the local handler there as well. Sahib once got such an old man, he actually had to lift his suitcases up himself (but still had to pay the tip), whereas Suzy was luckier, said old man still could lift up all her heavy pieces of luggage containing all those dildos, hectoliters of gliding cream and tons of preservatives, but thereafter he was completely exhausted, almost dead.

The constantly expected tips all over Argentina are actually a very affordable expense, the problem is the logistics to always obtain change, since there is never enough change wherever you pay small amounts (one often gets chewing gums or other sweets as small change). Not so much a problem in restaurants where the expected tip is 10 %, those are a bit larger amounts. Your normally so stingy heroine tipped the small people often a bit higher and therefore was often rewarded with the so beautiful response:

”Muy amable!”

There are some professionals engaged in the washing of car windshields, such guys Miss Size has seen in other parts of the world. And some guys will open the door of your taxi, if you arrive or when you part and will expect a peso or two. There are distributors of small and smallest leaflets everywhere, one advertised the services of a female whore and stocked them cleverly around a telephone booth (they still seem to use telephone booths in somewhat backward Argentina). Sahib asked him, how much he makes a day in this rather unusual profession?

60 pesos, 15 $ US a day.

Oh brother, this is really small town pimping in great Buenos Aires!

One old chap in Retiro bus station, a believer in the strange Catholic faith, despite his own sad fate, was slowly driving around in an antique wheelchair. He dropped colored pictures of Virgin Mary here and there on the legs of waiting passenger sitting on benches, having no legs any longer himself. Suzy did not allow this shallow and seemingly holly hocus pocus to take place on her immaculate legs, but now has to tell a joke Sahib told her, who is equally agnostic (and cynical) as your benign heroine:

In Italy once a salami factory exploded and a huge salami landed in heaven. Angels brought that strange and totally unknown object to Peter and asked him, what it was? Since he did not know, they went to John, but he had no clue either. So the finally went to Mary and showed it to her.

She looked at it a long time, almost an eternity, it seemed, and then answered, with that strange smile on her face:

”If it was without the net around it, it certainly would look exactly like the Holy Spirit.”

So much about said Virgin and how she became a single mother.

Now your almost holy heroine was still a vergin, at least in Buenos Aires, after that disappointing night at Contramano.

Remember her deeds that speak louder than words from last week: Miss Size naturally went that very night to the terribly beneficial Pink Pages on Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World, Argentina, Buenos Aires. She clicked through to Ratones or Soy Tuyo (I am yours) which are certainly the best gay escort websites for Argentina, arguably the best such websites in the world. Much better than the once so laudable Artemis website in Johor Bahru, Malaysia, which went down the drain, they pulled all the pictures of their boys, including Troy.

She found such stunning professionals as Tiziano, Pekko and Nacho and decided to try Nacho, this angel turned hustler, first: Have a look, again at him, gay user of this website: Is he not almost too good to be true? Such a gorgeous guy! And active and passive! Suzy Size – a notorious top - was so thrilled.

After incredible difficulties to call him – Suzy had no local sim card and it seemed impossible to call cell phones in Argentina through skype credits – your heroine had him finally on the land line phone. An hour was 200 pesos (50 $ US) at his place. Suzy made an appointment for 4 pm next day, managed to understand his precious address and “baja”, downstairs or ground floor, in order to ring at the right place and not to frighten an unsuspecting grandmother or so on an upper floor.

When she punctually – your heroine is Swiss to the bones – rung at the door a voice through the loud speaker asked, who it was?

”It is darling Suzy”, answered Suzy Severa Size and was asked to wait a moment.

When the door opened it was not godly Nacho, but another well mannered young man. He explained that naughty Nacho was presently busy for at least another hour, sorry, so sorry. But he asked Suzy to come in and have a look at the other boys.

Apparently, this was a gay Buenos Aires brothel and not the private residence of boyish chicko Nacho.

So your horny heroine was seated in a larger room with Jacuzzi and the so called presentation began.

The first performer came in, kissed your heroine cheek to cheek, said his name, age, sexual abilities, took out his erect cock from his almost exploding underwear. Then again kissed cheek to cheek and left.

After a few quite boring minutes, the next guy presented himself in exactly the same manner. This one was not so terribly hairy as the first one, but had a mighty sizeable tool. When your heroine did what she thought to be the right thing to do in those rather peculiar circumstances, to grab that big, hard cock or to put it in her mouth, she was instantly refuted by its rightful owner. The young man explained in friendly, but very clear words, the management did not allow such touching of the merchandise, would not have or tolerate such indecent hanky-panky before a deal was struck. It was a bit like on a Thai fruit stall where one also is not allowed to touch the bananas or rather the sensitive mangos, Suzy thought.

Look, gay prospective visitor of Argentina and its brothels, there was really nobody in the league of Nacho there, only Hugo would have been acceptable as a quite shallow Nacho replacement and two other guys would have passed as “island rescues”.

What, you do not know the internationally accepted term “island rescues”? You must be from Wisconsin or a similar unreasonable place, maybe the backside of the moon!

”Island rescues” in its historical connotation, generally accepted by the UN, means: If you were stranded on a lonely island not unlike Robinson when he fucked Friday on a dull Friday afternoon, you would meet a guy or two there. Would you engage in sexual activities with him (them) or would you prefer to jerk off alone?

If you will join him (or them) he is (they are) an “island rescue” in the most typical meaning of the terminus technical, got it?

When the friendly manager returned after the awfully long presentation, Suzy Size declined to take any cheap or half baked replacement for her one and only Nacho, even though she by now doubted very strongly his existence. The whole thing looked more and more like a stupid sex trap you can experience time and again on the internet: A stunning, absolutely stunning guy is presented who can fulfill your most dirty and secret dreams and when you go for him, that so obvious bait, they throw in a cheap replacement, who never matches the quality of the first guy any place near. But, horny as you are, you go for that cheap replacement, that lousy understudy, men are so sex driven.

But your brave and hardened homosexual heroine Suzy Size told the friendly young manager that she wanted Nacho and nobody else, certainly no third grade impostures!

Her decision – she insisted - was final, absolutely final!

When that young and polished manager of said Buenos Aires gay brothel realized the decisiveness of your old heroine, he said, Suzy should return in an hour, then beloved Nacho would be present.

But he asked for a deposit or down payment of 50 pesos (12.50 $ US), just in case, Miss Size might not return and also to cover that presentation.

Your heroine handed over said sum without hesitation and returned an hour later and was let into a short time room.

She had – for the second time – come here to meet her one and only Nacho and was sitting on that bed in a small and rundown room without en suite. It was a bit difficult to judge when the bed sheets had been changed last, but it could not have been too recently. Ten minutes had passed when the young and friendly manager of the brothel opened the door and announced Nacho – or Lautaro, this talented young man uses at least two different noms de plume, noms de profession on the different internet appearances – was only seconds away, but those seconds were measured in Argentinean time which translates in another 10 minutes, 10 minutes at least. The waiting went on and on and Suzy Size had enough time to take a close look at the faded wallpaper once upon a time, long, long ago, showing blossoming roses and some golden motives. The straight porn movie on the small old TV was of less interest for your bored heroine.

There was no lock in the door which was suspicious, Suzy (or rather Severa) Size remembered another unlock able door in Saigon where she then promptly was robbed when she was concentrated on other things than her wallet.

This whole setting here in Buenos Aires was strange, very strange, indeed.

Did wonderful Nacho, one of the most beautiful men ever seen by your heroine, exist at all?

Or was he just a fake?

A bait in a refined internet sex trap?

Then Miss Size heard feet in front of that door and it finally was opened by a guy.

And it really was Nacho, beloved Nacho, he really existed, Suzy Size was so surprised.

He asked for the remaining 150 pesos, left the room once again, handed that sum to the manger, returned in no time and the two protagonists right away climbed up all the way to heaven.

When they parted, afterwards, they kissed cheek to cheek, after all that sex, not unlike well behaved Sunday school pupils.