It always takes two to tango

Meeting gay gauchos in Buenos Aires

By Suzy Size, gay Buenos Aires

Arriving in Buenos Aires for the very first time felt like coming home. Suzy Size had quickly forgotten how long the flight was, how long it took to get through immigration, how even longer it took to get the luggage and other inconveniences at the airport. Her driver was there, welcoming your heroine to Buenos Aires with a sign, a handshake and a hug and within half an hour she was dropped in front of her apartment in Junin 1472, Recoleta area. The organized pick up was 50 $ US.

Gabriel – without doubt an angel disguising as human - was here, too, and showed Suzy her comfortable and centrally located apartment for one week. Your heroine felt divine, all her life she had wanted to visit Buenos Aires, the Paris of South America, now she was right in the heart of that marvelous city.

Gabriel is the owner of BAires Rental which offers tailor made apartments and studios to the discerning gay traveler. They are all strategically located around Av. Santa Fe and therefore within walking distance of many gay places. Suzy had found Gabriel through the Pink Pages of Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World, Argentine section and booked her nice apartment right there. With a map Gabriel explained Suzy her nearer vicinity, proposed - it was a late Sunday afternoon - to visit nearby Cementerio de la Recoleta where the rich dead are buried in splendor. Or just wander up and down Av. Santa Fe, stop for an occasional coffee at Babieca or the other Grand Cafes that are around and often are meeting places for people like us.

Suzy wanted to get some local cash first – you never know who you bump into - and buy some fruits and drinks for the fridge, she was not going to cook, even though there was a fully fledged kitchen in the condo. The second ATM knew your heroine and found her a trustworthy person. There was a Carrefour nearby and Suzy bought peaches, bred, salami, olives and wine which is dirt cheap in Argentine. Everything is quite cheap here for foreign tourists. Suzy went to said Carrefour several times and was always amazed how long the queues were at the cashiers and how stoically the Argentines accepted this daily reoccurring inconvenience.

Buenos Aires is for walking, and that is was your heroine – an almost fanatic pedestrian – did day after day. She started her day mostly with a coffee at Café Gout which is halfway gay. A most beautiful waiter reminding Suzy of the young Edgar S. – yes, Roger, this comes very close to betrayal – a guy whom she found sexy many years back. The people of Buenos Aires still have coffee culture, the coffee is always served with a glass of water and small sweets. Suzy tried to read La Nacion – her almost non existing Spanish is a bit rusty - that was reporting a speech Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner, the president, had given the day before in parliament. Her husband, Nestor, had always strongly applauded when Cristina made a point. What a ridiculous infernal duo! Nobody - Suzy spoke to - approves of the presidential couple, but all had this sad or melancholic mood when they talked about the Kirchners, not knowing how to get rid of them and therefore budging to their unavoidable presence for now.

In the streets of Buenos Aires you get to know new professions. There are men making a living by walking dogs. They can have up to twenty canines – many Golden Retrievers – that they walk around the city. It is not an easy job, if you think of it. They have to keep their many subjects walking in the same direction. At large intersections you can see other guys at work: When the light turns red they jump in front of the cars holding up large boards with the newest newspaper headlines. And virtually everywhere in Buenos Aires you get small pieces of paper handed out by underemployed people that advertise specials available at nearby shops. You take those little papers once in a while since you do not want to disappoint the many distributors constantly, but then just drop them on the ground a few meters later like everybody else.

Suzy walked for hours and hours in splendid Buenos Aires – reminding her in spirit of Madrid, Barcelona or Rome, just more melancholic - till both her feet were full of blisters. And she returned to Cementerio de la Recoleta several times. This is a peaceful place that always reminds you of how the whole thing certainly will end. And obviously it is the perfect place to advertise the fight against dengue fever, no other place demonstrates the final urgency of such a task better. One becomes a bit humble on cemeteries and remembers that, yes, carpe diem, use your day, do something meaningful, have fun and have sex, as long as you still can.

Fun, Sanuk, in Buenos Aires is Tango. When Suzy Size entered Plaza Bohemia she thought she was going to see a Tango Show, but it was much better. A certain Daniel and a certain Lucy were the organizers of this dance event that usually lasts from 6 pm till 3 am. The entrance fee of 18 Pesos (about 4.60 $ US) was cheap for Suzy, maybe not so cheap for the aged participants, mainly senior citizen tango lovers who came here to tango. There were a lot of fans in the slightly air conditioned dance hall with wooden floor. Small tables were placed all around the dance floor. Suzy was seated at one of them and ordered a beer. Grey gentlemen and well coiffed ladies were sitting at the other tables, all of them were drinking mineral water – contrary to Suzy they had to perform tango which is something serious, though also fun. Prohibido fumar.

The gentlemen looked very much as if they could perform in bed only with a double portion of Viagra, but on the dance floor they still were very good. Politely but gleaming with masculinity (many with deeply greased hair) they approached their lady of choice and she would graciously agree for a dance or two. (Sadly, when all men were dancing, five ladies still had no partner.) There, they stood, in deep concentration - most ladies with thick makeup, sparkling ear and finger rings, nice dresses and closed eyes, the gents held as straight up the worn out body as possible - till they found the right moment, to start their quick and complicated dance. Suzy just watched those high heels and the black leather shoes perform speedily around the dance floor. Your clumsy heroine could never master this.

So it was quite clear by now, Suzy Size needed a tango teacher. But where to find? She tried at Toms action bar where she saw two guys that looked like typical tango teachers, but they were lazily talking to each other, instead of seeking this so obvious business opportunity. She had a beer a Flux bar, a friendly place that opens early on, but was almost alone there. She consulted her gay bible, the Pink Pages of Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World and found this precious piece of information on a local gay guide: “On the right side of Santa Fe Avenue you will find at night people waiting for buses (that never arrive), watching shop displays at 1 AM, or just cruising. Popular corners are Santa Fe and Puerredon, Santa Fe and Ecuador, Santa Fe and Azcuenaga. They are called "taxiboys" in local slang. This is not the safer, but the cheapest escort choice. Never bring one of them to your hotel is a good common sense advice.”

Suzy Size is too old for such (dangerous) nonsense.

She went to Unikus Spa which is located in the mentioned taxiboys zone, thinking they must have many working boys there, but they had only two masseurs. Suzy tried one, but your heroine was his very first customer. It was only 100 Pesos, but the nice young man obviously still has to learn an awful lot. Unikus Spa shows many hunks in the gallery of their website, but do not be fooled, they are not in situ, better avoid that run down place.

When Agustin came over to her condo, Suzy Size lovingly showed him how she had discovered him, already back in good old Pattaya. They went into the Pink Pages of Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World, opened up the Argentine section. Then they scrolled down and down till they reached “Soy Tuyo” (I am yours), opened up that so helpful website and there was the new so heroic tango teacher of your heroine.

At that very moment,still standing besides Suzy in front of her laptop, Agustin opened his pants, he had a hard on already.

Suzy put him in her mouth.

A purely rhetorical question:

What would you have done?

Suzy does not really know, why she missed Contramano, the hustler bar, just walking distance from her place. But this might be a good excuse to return to sexy Buenos Aires very, very soon.

Suzy Size will continue her trip through gay Malaysia, gay South Africa, gay Argentina, gay Uruguay, gay Brazil, gay Chile, gay Istanbul and gay Egypt. Next week Suzy Size will be reporting from gay Monte Video. Read about the newest adventures of your heroine next week, exclusively on Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World which is the only true Global Gay Guide on the net.

Support the Suzy Size World Friendship Tour – pay on-line now

It feels so good to do good

Suzy Size likes her tours all over the world so much, she now plans to go on an eternal World Friendship Tour for Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World. Well, eternal is a long time – contrary to short time – and our heroine needs some funds for this unique venture, the boys are costly, you know. Support your heroine and pay on-line with your credit card. Any amount of 20 US $ and above welcome. If you commit 100 US $ or above you will get a dinner invitation at Castelgandolfo, the Suzy Size residence slightly outside Pattaya and an interesting plant. It feels so good to do good!

Suzy Size thanks thee an awful lot and is mighty proud of you.