Stories

In Pattaya many Farangs seem to suffer from lack of attention. To counter that terrible feeling of neglect by the world, they group some money boys around themselves in Jomtien beach or even open up a gay bar. The staff, those paid boys, will listen to what that eloquent Farang has to say in carefully chosen English terms. HE is here on a mission. But few of those Farangs realize that those simple Thai boys do not understand a quarter of what that so terribly important Farang has to say… Read more

Tragedy did strike this week at Castelgandolfo, the somewhat pompous residence of your gay heroine Suzy Size, located just slightly outside Pattaya. Emptiness could be felt inside the house and out in the luscious gardens surrounding Castelgandolfo. It felt as if the sun stopped shining, the birds stopped singing and the world stopped turning when Khun Amorn, the lazy boy friend of your heroine, delivered the bad news to Suzy Size in an unceremonious way whilst she was repotting some of her precious plants: “Bobby has died already.” Read more

Not much to complain about, but not much happening either. Suzy Size is a bit bored these days. The Pattaya routine has your heroine in its tight grip. Saturday is the highlight, it is beach day. But last week it started raining shortly after her arrival. And the Mia Noi was in Bangkok. No sex then, there was nobody else in sight right on Jomtien in the rain. Does it matter? Not really. Next Saturday is in the pipeline of the Pattaya routine. Read more

Khun M, a former Funny Boy, has opened Happy Place this week. The soft opening was Monday night and a curious crowd gathered to get a first impression of the brand new go-go-bar. It is located in Pattayaland Soi 2, where - at one stage of Pattaya history - Bubbles, the then most mundane girly go-go, was located. The new management has heavily invested into the technical equipment, the lighting, sound system, bubble and smoke machines are all brand new and state of the art. Read more

Your old heroine can still be spontaneous, last Saturday morning she called the Malaysia hotel in Bangkok and made a reservation for that very night. Occupation of hotels all over Thailand is not very high these days, so one even can get a room at normally so well booked Malaysia at short notice for a dirty weekend. (Sorry, Eduard, to have borrowed your term “dirty weekend” without paying any royalties, but it really describes the plan so accurately.) Suzy Size grabbed her tooth brush, the shaver, some condoms, a shirt and one underwear and off she was in the drivers seat. Read more

Suzy Size was recently invited to the 6th anniversary party of Funny Boys and the 3rd anniversary of Mamasan Rose. Tim and Lud, the owners of Funny Boys and Panorama, both located in the unique Pattaya Boyztown, regularly invite their customers to such events. As usual, they offered a buffet and the first drink on the house. And – no surprise – Funny Boys was packed that eventful night. The Funny Boys for the very first time presented a show and Tim and Lud first raffled away presents to their customers and later generous cash gifts to all their employees: Up to 5000 Baht. A vote was held to find the Best Smile, Best Dancer and Most Handsome, prices being donated by Khun James. Read more

Suzy and Susi met Ian for dinner, a rare financial supporter of the Gay World Friendship Tour. Then – without discreet cousin Susi who went back to Flamingos hotel – the gentlemen went over to Blue Chili, the most popular gay bar of Phnom Penh, Salt Lounge – by the way - has closed down. Later Chi, the Cambodian boy friend of Ian, joined them with some friends. Suzy got to know a fellow called Savaruth at Blue Chili and had a happy time with him at Flamingos that night and next night. Next afternoon she had Ashley as an interruption of afternoon boredom in Phnom Penh, but… Read more

I thought I couldn’t trust my eyes. I had to look again. After a short question and a nod from our side he used the one remaining seat at our table. It was a small table, that we used on that Wednesday night in order to have some privacy. But all the other seats were taken. We always looked for a small table on those precious evenings when we met after university classes, Jacques and I. We were not happy, but the restaurant was filled to capacity. He ordered something from the waiter and we immersed ourselves back into discussing our plans for the evening, the new film we wanted to see. Read more

Needless to say, Sindbad became headquarters of your traveling heroine whilst in Luxor. When she was sitting there next night – her new English friends had not arrived yet – one of the young Egyptian men that had been sitting temporarily with the group the night before was walking outside the garden restaurant together with a stunning young man. Suzy Size seized the opportunity and invited them both over for a Stella and the gladly accepted the invitation of your horny heroine. After the usual preliminaries they started negotiations in earnest. They wanted a threesome, but Miss Size did not like that idea too much. She inquired about the young and cute one which had a very well built body due to the daily visit of some Gym. That hunk said, he could do anything, Suzy very much had her doubts. Read more

Suzy tried to visit Abu Simbel. There are two daily convoys from Aswan driving the three and a half hours through the desert. One is leaving at 4 am, the other at 11 am. All tour buses leave at 4 am, far too early for Suzy. So she tried to hire a taxi. An old ugly guy that spoke some English was helping and in the end it seemed your heroine had a deal. The old ugly guy was asking for baksheesh already. But no driver showed up next morning, only the ugly old guy with a new driver that wanted three times the amount agreed with the other one. So Suzy Size just walked away and thought: Fuck you! Read more

Arriving at Cairo airport was easy. Suzy paid the 15 $ for the Visa at one of the bank counters before going through immigration. The process of checking into Egypt was as smooth as silk, nobody suspected that your heroine was not a so called “real man” in the Thai meaning of words and nobody was interested in the few seeds Suzy Size had been able to acquire in Sao Paulo (a very sweet variety of small, yellow Papaya) and Istanbul (extremely spicy chilies). When Miss Size stepped out of the terminal, she told a taxi driver (after the usual hard bargaining): “Take me – at once - to The Gresham!” And off they went. Read more

Suzy Size was so looking forward to return to gay Istanbul. She is absolutely fascinated by this great, historic city at the Bosporus which is vibrating and good fun in every possible respect. And then she had made contact again with lovely and so young Yuksel, the creator of the informative Istanbul Queens website. She wanted to invite him and his (so far) unknown boy friend for dinner: For old queens it can be delightful, just being surrounded by splendid, good looking gay men, even though sex is (unfortunately) out of the question since they (in general) do not suffer under Daddy syndrome. The chemical industry - so far - has managed to take care of erectile dysfunction, but a real achievement would be a pill that makes young and horny men instantly fall in love with old tarts. How easily could such a medicine clandestinely be dropped in a drink of an adored young man, but, alas, there are obvious limits to the abilities of that darn chemical industry. Sell those stocks in May and go away. Read more

Suzy Size has always anticipated she might - at one stage or other on her long journey - get into severe troubles, but she did not think that would happen – of all places - in orderly Chile. But that is where she got caught in the act, was stripped of everything and immediately tried and sentenced. In retrospect she is only happy she did not attempt to bribe the officials, since that would definitely have landed her in jail for her crime against nature… Read more

After unpacking a bit, your heroine went for a first exploration walk in the neighborhood. And – she had not been on her way longer than 3 minutes and 23 seconds - good old Suzy found the “Paradise for Men”. Look, fellow gay traveler to the world, Sao Paulo is a huge, huge metropolis and Suzy Size is such a small and unimportant human being. She just had arrived here and was still in a severe state of innocence, but already had found the “Paradise for Men”. You, gay traveler to the world, have it easy, you just jump to the Pink Pages of Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World and find the highly valued address of said male paradise. Read more

Suzy Size said good by to that nice young guy and left in direction for her hotel. But he followed her, had - maybe - mistaken the drink for the beginning of more. Suzy explained to him, that she was not interested in further company, but to no avail: He would follow her, proposing to go to another place for another drink, but your heroine heroically declined such notion in friendly but clear terms. When they passed an area a bit dark with no people around, he suddenly reached out for the watch of Suzy Size, but did not get it off entirely at first attempt. Suzy took it off and threw it at him, fleeing the scene… Read more

The entrance fee at Point 202 is 35 Reais (divide by 2 and you get $ US, Eduard) and it did not take more than five minutes till your humble heroine was exchanging hot and deep French kisses with a promising young men somewhere on the premises. There were so many willing young men in Point 202, always showing their big hardened cocks, it was almost grotesque, Tom of Finland figures, but more on the African than the Scandinavian side. One of them, a very practical guy as it seemed, used his extremely big and erect tool as a place to hang his towel, otherwise he was walking around completely naked as many of the boys. Read more

She walked to all the gay places now dutifully listed in the Pink Pages of Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World, regarding Uruguay, or gay Montevideo. This is not a big city, everything is walking distance, you will easily find your way. And finally she went to Puerta Negra. Cesar, a quite fat, but lovely – very gay – employee showed your heroine the place. And now their suite was free. Suzy got it for 50 $ US a night, instead of 70 $ US and moved in next morning. Cesar looks very much like the bad guy in Popeye, the sailor man, but is really charming, constantly chatting and laughing with someone over the net or watching porn with terribly obese contenders. Read more

So it was quite clear by now, Suzy Size needed a tango teacher. But where to find? She tried at Toms action bar where she saw two guys that looked like typical tango teachers, but they were lazily talking to each other, instead of seeking this so obvious business opportunity. She had a beer a Flux bar, a friendly place that opens early on, but was almost alone there. She consulted her gay bible, the Pink Pages of Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World and found this precious piece of information on a local gay guide: “On the right side of Santa Fe Avenue you will find at night people waiting for buses (that never arrive), watching shop displays at 1 AM, or just cruising. Popular corners are Santa Fe and Puerredon, Santa Fe and Ecuador, Santa Fe and Azcuenaga. They are called "taxiboys" in local slang. This is not the safer, but the cheapest escort choice. Never bring one of them to your hotel is a good common sense advice.” Read more

Suzy Size back in Cape Town went to Bronx and Amsterdam which pride themselves to be Action Bars, but there was no action there at all besides drinking. You had those young white guys again interested in fellow young white guys and lots of jolly old fellows that were narcissistically dancing alone or with each others (plus some old girls doing the same). The chances of your heroine to be picked up by a juicy white or – preferably – black young man were near nil, about as high, as if hiking alone across the Swiss Alps in a dense fog. Read more

When reading the following description of “33 on First Gay Guest House” on Exit, the Johannesburg based Gay Magazine, the choice was clear: “It is situated in trendy Melville, within walking distance from RAU, numerous restaurants and one block from “oh!”, the most popular gay bar in Johannesburg.” Trendy Melville, oh, wow and RAU! Suzy remembered RAU to be: “the largest GAY Steam Sauna, bathhouse facility in Johannesburg. Priding ourselves on the highest level of hygiene and promotion of a healthy lifestyle for the Gay Commnunity, in a safe and secure area. Our facilities include, 3 spa baths / jacussis, steam room, sauna. 2 Video lounge areas for relaxation, while a beverage is enjoyed at our fully licensed bar area. Roam around to the private cabins while you pass the maze area. Lockers and complimentary towels are provided as well as shower facilities.” So they called Johan, the owner of that 33 on First Guest House from the internet café in Dullstroom, and he had vacancies, indeed. So they printed that description, how to get there, from his website and off they were. Read more