Accounts & Advice

Whenever the four friends roamed the streets of Kandy, nobody took notice of Magna and Suzy Size, the two Thais – obviously gay and giggling much of the day – stole the limelight. Neither, your heroine, nor her elder sister Magna were of any interest, the male youth of Kandy adored the two Thai queens with their obvious star quality. And – surprisingly – the two Thais enjoyed flirting with everybody, too. Suzy Size had expected them to be snobbish and to act cool. After all those Sri Lankans were so terribly dark, almost black like the negroes of Africa, so to speak, which is, after all, the contrary of the Thai beauty ideal. But, no inhibitions were shown at all. Read more

Imagine this: Suzy Size is sitting in the only first class compartment of a Kandy bound train in the Colombo Fort Station. Besides her in the isle seat is Magna Size, her older sister, who does not yet sense the tragic events just unfolding. In the row in front of your heroine are Amorn, the boyfriend of so many years and Sun, the heartthrob of Magna. Mr. Iflar, a gay Sri Lankan man, has just passed by the open window outside and discreetly handed a neatly folded piece of paper to your stunned heroine. Besides his phone number the note contains an unmistakable message: “I love you.” Read more

Almost always you can see your heroine reading a book on Jomtien beach – looking up from it once in a while to make her so important observations. Patrick brought her a book from Switzerland, the latest and last of Hugo Loetscher who recently died shortly before his 80th birthday. The scheduled honors planned for his birthday in Zurich had to be cancelled. Hugo Loetscher was a world famous writer, in Switzerland at least. Suzy has known him for over thirty years. In the beginning he tried several times to get your then so young heroine in his bed at the hunting grounds of Odeon Cafe, but had no success. About fourteen years ago he paid her a visit in Bangkok and they went to famous Babylon together… Read more

Suzy Size had a splendid time when revisiting gay Chiang Mai recently. The scene has increased enormously in the last few years. Have a look at the Pink Pages of Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World. All those different massage places alone are very inviting. Suzy was sitting in her room and checked them all out thanks to Wifi. Was she going over to Lavender Lanna massage? River House Massage looked inviting, too. But first she went for a walk. Since Suzy was walking near Classic House that fair afternoon, she decided to give it another try, never change a winning horse, your heroine has been here before and then came out very satisfied. Read more

Suzy Size got her act together and fled the boredom of her self inflicted hibernation in Pattaya. Rumor had it that a fantastic new gay hotel had opened in Chiang Mai. With over 100 rooms, dedicated massage boys, show, 24 hours restaurant this sounded heavenly. So your horny heroine was curious as always, wanted to know the truth, see for herself, shed fact from fiction and booked an inexpensive flight up there. Read more

Walking towards Boyztown in broad daylight Suzy Size noted some bubbles. This formerly straight Go Go Bar has changed its sexual orientation overnight and has become gay, but the décor has remained the same. Bubbles bode well for straight or gay sex it seems. And then, a little later, your benign heroine walked past Ambiance, it was about 2 pm. A few boys at Boyz Gym were diligent and offered massage. The other ones inside that formidable Gym came out as well, all eager offering their priceless services. Read more

One major change, however, was noticeable, there were many more young Gothois (lady boys) out there this year. For instance a now fifteen year old nephew of Khun Amorn who acts effeminate since he was five years of age. Another very young nephew is not sure yet if he may join the Gothoi Association of Nong Khai, but to the seasoned eyes of Suzy Size it looks like that.
One cute very young Gothoi who had caught an old and really ugly farang already flirted restlessly with your heroine behind the back of said man. Suzy was flattered, but was more interested in the manly rowers which were themselves busy with the famous boat races and not into hanky panky right now.
Suzy surely will see some of them back in Jomtien beach. Read more

Abidin – which means slave to religion - is not the real name of that cute waiter, but Suzy will call him Abidin. He was 23 years old, had come from the impoverished Southeast of Turkey to Istanbul for work. Two of his brothers were working in other restaurants under the Galata bridge, there were 11 children in his family. Soon Abidin had figured out that Suzy was gay and written his name and cell phone number on a piece of paper which he handed to your heroine very discretely, the colleagues are watchful. He told Suzy to call him after 8 pm and that is what your horny heroine did. When Suzy called him, Abidin said he would be free at 9.30 and then they “could go somewhere”, but did not want to meet her at the restaurant – be aware of the colleagues or the brothers, the people talking – so they met, opposite the Galata bridge, at the entrance of New Mosque, which is not so very new actually, it was built between 1597 and 1663. Read more

Now here finally comes the carnival part, gay sex tourist to Zurich, which will naturally interest you most. On her first day in Zurich, Suzy was having a beer in Café Marion, contemplating to visit Paragonya gay sauna just opposite the road. But then she saw old Chrigel entering that benevolent Zurich institution and decided not to go. Chrigel is a bit talkative (to put it mildly) and Suzy just did not want to listen into his endless talks about adventures with those super thin guys he so much adores. Suzy dislikes those skinny guys so much, she would not want to touch them with a stick.
Suzy went next day instead, found a hunky Brazilian then and another one upon her second visit.
Fill in the blanks yourself.
Paragonya always feels like home when back in Zurich. Read more

With the liberation from communist rule, a market economy was introduced in what formerly was East Germany. Only walking distance from her hotel your horny heroine found a benevolent institution called Gay Erotic Studio Dresden. Their website is in German only, but it should not be too difficult for English speakers to find out what is meant. If you check their price list, you will find them to be reasonable. When Suzy paid them a visit and rung downstairs at the door an older guy asked what she wanted then opened the door through a buzzer… Read more

If some of your friends have problems remembering things or names – who does not at your age? – they are ideal candidates for a joke of yours. You just ask them a simple question: What was the first name of Alzheimer? Everybody has heard of the world famous medical doctor, of course, who gave his name to the terrible disease that wipes out your memory, but nobody can remember his first name. Try it, it always works. So is the newest addition to fine dining restaurants of Pattaya “Alois” named after the Bavarian doctor? No, of course not, it has its name from Alois X. Fassbind (1935 – 1998) who was a fun loving and very able man. Read more

Travelling down the Baltic states, your heroine at first doubted whether or not she should make a stop in Vilnius at all. Lithuania is well known – or rather notorious - for its deeply homophobic, conservative and backward Catholic population and Suzy Size therefore was certain, she would not find the smallest trace of a Lithuanian prince charming (a primal fear that came true). Consulting her personal Gay Bible (Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World this naturally is) Suzy only found two gay bars at all and they only open on Fridays and Saturdays whereas your hapless heroine arrived on a Monday. But on the other hand, Vilnius is famous for its beauty. The old part of town is labelled the largest in all of Eastern Europe, including fantastic Prague, and for 2009 Vilnius was chosen to act as European Capital of Culture. Read more

Suzy Size had changed her strategy for Riga dramatically, after Mr. Nik – the irresponsible hustler - had just ignored – and thus hurt - her. First she went sightseeing. Then she would pay that gay sauna a visit. And later she would try her luck at gay XXL Club downstairs which was conveniently located on the ground floor of the very same building. Your heroine was really in the right Riga gay location, she was sitting in her net like a spider and could just wait till prey would finally arrive, then make a quick, possibly surprising, move, catch somebody and immediately start to suck the soul – or whatever – out of that great body. Read more

When Harold left, Suzy and Gord went on to discover the gay night life of Tallinn. First they looked up sauna club 69 which had a most stunning blond doorman, the dream of any porn producer and of any gay dirty old man in general. But they did not enter there since that angelic blond hunk confided to them that only seven people were at that sauna presently. They instead went looking for Gpunkt another gay Tallinn bar, but could not find it first. But then they bumped into an unequal Estonian couple and asked them for instructions. Gord obviously liked to older one, a ship captain as it turned out whereas Suzy fancied the younger one, a sexy blond guy with luscious lips and an incredible ass. Both were quite drunk but invited themselves to another (rather expensive) beer at Gpunkt. They were funny, but not really trustworthy – the younger one never answered what he was doing for a living, just ignored that question - and after their beer went on to the gay sauna for further drinking. Read more

The train ride from Moscow to famous St. Petersburg took six hours for roughly 100 US $. This ride was unspectacular since the landscape is quite unspectacular and flat all the times with a few trees and bushes here and there. At the few stops old men and women tried to sell seasonal berries and mushrooms they had collected in this seemingly endless flatness to get a bit of cash. The seat neighbor of Suzy Size was refreshing his English language skills through a grammar book and also practiced them by conversing with your heroine. He was an elegant well dressed and polished man, 63 years old, as it turned out. Suzy wondered for longer whether he was one of us… Read more

Still hungry for meat of sorts, Suzy Size finally entered Mayakovka sauna. Again their website is in Russian only and your benign heroine would have never – never – been able to come near that place without Dimitry pointing out the location during their almost historic walk. You have to enter a courtyard through a dark and rundown archway. There are two tiny rainbow flags outside the entrance and once you have found that, you made it. This gay sauna is very well decorated, much more elegant than the shabby exterior of the buildings adjacent would make believe. There were mainly middle aged and old men and some massage boys. Read more

And what did she really know about Dimitry? Anybody could install a nice little site or two on the internet and use them for scams. Was Dimitry Maksimov a real person or a phantom? Was he maybe an agent of sorts? Russia is full of agents, every child knows that. As you probably know, the Russian authorities are very homophobic and suppress any Gay Pride with excessive force as they just did again recently. Would that not be a clever move to infiltrate the gay scene by installing some seemingly gay websites? Some state sponsored sort of gay counter intelligence? Oh, those Russians! Read more

But then the girl at the Russian embassy wanted to see a certain form, an invitation by some organization in Russia, some sort of guarantee. Suzy had no clue what they meant. But – as always in Thailand – when there is a problem, there is also a solution. A certain Thai gentleman offered his services. He needed 4500 Baht for that “invitation” and it would take 15 minutes. Suzy made that deal, what choice did she have if she really wanted to go to Moscow? That precious form arrived soon after and her visa could be processed for another 2000 Baht (roughly) in one week.
If only Suzy had known Dimitry then, she could have saved that money for worthier causes, for instance a well bestowed Russian escort.
But Suzy was going to meet Dimitry only after her arrival in Moscow… Read more

Suzy was not sitting at Salt Lounge for long when an attractive young man sat down at the table besides her. Not very much later and the two protagonists were talking with each other. One of the first questions Suzy asked (are you surprised by the originality?):
”What is your name?”
”Ashley”, was the answer.
Now you must know, gay fellow sex tourist, Suzy had met lovely Ashley in December when she had visited Phnom Penh with Walter and Werner and hesitant Walter had finally been persuaded by his two companions to take Ashley with him to the hotel. Read more

Magna once again had taken initiative and asked a Tuk Tuk driver to bring your two heroines to the foremost Luang Prabang gay bar. He dropped them a Khob Chai which indeed seemed to be gay, looking at the staff. They got into a conversation with another customer who happened to live in Luang Prabang. He told them that indeed Khob Chai was an openly gay bar with drag shows until the authorities made big problems a while ago. Then the US owner and his Lao partner turned it into a “straight” bar like their other joint just across the street which is called Lao Lao Garden. But despite this official change of sexual orientation, Khob Chai is the obvious choice in search for local talent in Luang Prabang. Read more