Accounts & Advice - Pattaya, Thailand

Past Thursday was Mothers Day. What, you did not know that? Forgot it again? It takes place every August 12th. At least in Thailand. This is the birthday of the queen and mothers day is therefore a holiday.
”I will tell Mr. Mon, the gardener”, Suzy Size said to Khun Amorn, the boyfriend of so many years.
”No, need, Thai people know about these things.”
Do they?
And, indeed, the gardener knew and did not show up for work accidentally. Read more

In Pattaya many Farangs seem to suffer from lack of attention. To counter that terrible feeling of neglect by the world, they group some money boys around themselves in Jomtien beach or even open up a gay bar. The staff, those paid boys, will listen to what that eloquent Farang has to say in carefully chosen English terms. HE is here on a mission. But few of those Farangs realize that those simple Thai boys do not understand a quarter of what that so terribly important Farang has to say… Read more

Tragedy did strike this week at Castelgandolfo, the somewhat pompous residence of your gay heroine Suzy Size, located just slightly outside Pattaya. Emptiness could be felt inside the house and out in the luscious gardens surrounding Castelgandolfo. It felt as if the sun stopped shining, the birds stopped singing and the world stopped turning when Khun Amorn, the lazy boy friend of your heroine, delivered the bad news to Suzy Size in an unceremonious way whilst she was repotting some of her precious plants: “Bobby has died already.” Read more

Not much to complain about, but not much happening either. Suzy Size is a bit bored these days. The Pattaya routine has your heroine in its tight grip. Saturday is the highlight, it is beach day. But last week it started raining shortly after her arrival. And the Mia Noi was in Bangkok. No sex then, there was nobody else in sight right on Jomtien in the rain. Does it matter? Not really. Next Saturday is in the pipeline of the Pattaya routine. Read more

Khun M, a former Funny Boy, has opened Happy Place this week. The soft opening was Monday night and a curious crowd gathered to get a first impression of the brand new go-go-bar. It is located in Pattayaland Soi 2, where - at one stage of Pattaya history - Bubbles, the then most mundane girly go-go, was located. The new management has heavily invested into the technical equipment, the lighting, sound system, bubble and smoke machines are all brand new and state of the art. Read more

Suzy Size was recently invited to the 6th anniversary party of Funny Boys and the 3rd anniversary of Mamasan Rose. Tim and Lud, the owners of Funny Boys and Panorama, both located in the unique Pattaya Boyztown, regularly invite their customers to such events. As usual, they offered a buffet and the first drink on the house. And – no surprise – Funny Boys was packed that eventful night. The Funny Boys for the very first time presented a show and Tim and Lud first raffled away presents to their customers and later generous cash gifts to all their employees: Up to 5000 Baht. A vote was held to find the Best Smile, Best Dancer and Most Handsome, prices being donated by Khun James. Read more

Suzy Size has known Andy Wenger, the owner of Swiss House Restaurant in Soi Diamond, for many, many years. He has opened said place eleven years ago and kept the quality of the food and the service up at all times. Whenever your heroine comes back from one of her grand voyages, she is always glad to pay Andy and his place a visit. It feels like coming home in a double sense: Coming home to Pattaya and talk over the newest gossip about town and people. Read more

As you might have noticed, beloved user of Sticky Rice Gay Guide Asia and Gay Guide World, Suzy Size can be quite talkative at times. Your heroine is madly in love with gay gossip of all sorts and hardly any time can resist to spread vicious (or non vicious) rumors. But this time around her lips were sealed for once. For several months Suzy knew something you probably did not know, but now it is time to reveal it to you out there in the snow: Make three out of one. Read more

Almost always you can see your heroine reading a book on Jomtien beach – looking up from it once in a while to make her so important observations. Patrick brought her a book from Switzerland, the latest and last of Hugo Loetscher who recently died shortly before his 80th birthday. The scheduled honors planned for his birthday in Zurich had to be cancelled. Hugo Loetscher was a world famous writer, in Switzerland at least. Suzy has known him for over thirty years. In the beginning he tried several times to get your then so young heroine in his bed at the hunting grounds of Odeon Cafe, but had no success. About fourteen years ago he paid her a visit in Bangkok and they went to famous Babylon together… Read more

Walking towards Boyztown in broad daylight Suzy Size noted some bubbles. This formerly straight Go Go Bar has changed its sexual orientation overnight and has become gay, but the décor has remained the same. Bubbles bode well for straight or gay sex it seems. And then, a little later, your benign heroine walked past Ambiance, it was about 2 pm. A few boys at Boyz Gym were diligent and offered massage. The other ones inside that formidable Gym came out as well, all eager offering their priceless services. Read more

If some of your friends have problems remembering things or names – who does not at your age? – they are ideal candidates for a joke of yours. You just ask them a simple question: What was the first name of Alzheimer? Everybody has heard of the world famous medical doctor, of course, who gave his name to the terrible disease that wipes out your memory, but nobody can remember his first name. Try it, it always works. So is the newest addition to fine dining restaurants of Pattaya “Alois” named after the Bavarian doctor? No, of course not, it has its name from Alois X. Fassbind (1935 – 1998) who was a fun loving and very able man. Read more

But then the girl at the Russian embassy wanted to see a certain form, an invitation by some organization in Russia, some sort of guarantee. Suzy had no clue what they meant. But – as always in Thailand – when there is a problem, there is also a solution. A certain Thai gentleman offered his services. He needed 4500 Baht for that “invitation” and it would take 15 minutes. Suzy made that deal, what choice did she have if she really wanted to go to Moscow? That precious form arrived soon after and her visa could be processed for another 2000 Baht (roughly) in one week.
If only Suzy had known Dimitry then, she could have saved that money for worthier causes, for instance a well bestowed Russian escort.
But Suzy was going to meet Dimitry only after her arrival in Moscow… Read more

I had up to now never stayed at View Talay Villas, but a good friend has recommended them as gay friendly. So since I like to try something new all the time, I booked my most recent visit to Pattaya with them. All their Villas (one, two and three bedrooms are available) have a private pool in their secluded, lush gardens. After a day in Jomtien I often took a new beach or massage boy with me, it is only a five minutes walk from Pattaya gay beach… Read more

Suzy Size is laying naked on a bed, face down. It is nice here, quiet. The air conditioning has cooled down this comfortable room, outside in Boyztown it is unbearably hot and humid. It is the rainy season again, Suzy hardly can go to the gay Pattaya beach these days with all those nasty downpours. In fact your heroine is very busy lately. You guessed right, her grand China trip is looming. So many things have to be organized for that trip and plants moved from smaller pots to bigger ones in the greenhouse of Castelgandolfo at the last minute. It feels good to be caressed by thoughtful, tender hands. Right now Tong works on the left foot of your heroine, soon he will move up the left leg. Read more

George is that typical New York investment banker. Always bloating, always knowing best and extremely demanding when it comes to services rendered to him. He is extremely difficult to please, be assured. If you ever had the very mixed pleasure of sitting near him on Jomtien beach, you must have overheard all his endless monologs – he has a very loud voice - about his incredibly successful career, his cleverness, his untold abilities and of course his whole sex life which started at the tender age of 12... Read more

If you ever stayed at Sansuk Boutique Guesthouse in Pattaya you must have seen those intriguing pictures on the walls which depict male beauty in a very colorful fashion. Goran Jurec has produced them and they are so called "Giclées". Suzy (as usual) had no idea what that might be, but thanks to Wikipedia she found out in an instant (we were so dumb without the internet!)... Read more

Castelgandolfo, the residence of Suzy Size outside Pattaya, suffers of noise pollution these days. No, they have not opened a loud Karaoke bar just besides her somewhat pretentious residence, airplanes are the source, many are flying over the Suzy Size chateau during the last three days. Curious as always Suzy drove out to U-Tapao, the navy owned military airport about half an hour from Pattaya, to see what is going on. Read more

The night when Barack Obama was elected president of the United States was a defining historic moment of the magnitude of 9/11, but – contrary to that - in a totally positive sense. Like with 9/11, you always will remember where you were when it happened. Suzy Size watched it on Bloomberg in Castelgandolfo, her somewhat pretentious residence just slightly outside Pattaya. And, yes, your hardened heroine shed some tears too, when John Mc Caine conceded so graciously and shed some more tears together with Reverend Jesse Jackson standing in the emotional Chicago crowd. Reason has come back to America and the man is just sexy as well. For Suzy this monumental change has let her out of a self imposed trap. Read more

If you have not been to Pattaya Boyztown for a while you will notice one huge change. Where Splash and Throb used to be, there is now Copa the brand new Showbar. You cannot miss the huge logo sign. Since the Grand Opening in the middle of September the owners have added even more lighting and thus invested even more money in this unique and posihed entertainment place. The result is stunning. Visit for instance the exotic, erotic, amazing underwater show at 10.30 pm nightly which truly is the only show of its kind on the entire planet. The title of the show is: "What lies beneath?" and the six swimmers in their sexy swimwear answer this nagging question every night. Read more

What do you do if you see that stunning boy in the Pattaya gay beach? He is just your ideal, one of those hunky Isaan boys. And he is so into you, of all people, too! He has given you an eye and – naturally - you have returned it. And then you had this striking conversation, mainly starting with the very important question: “Where do you come from?” And soon it is clear, he wants you so badly, maybe even more badly than you him. Look, his fortunes just have taken a turn to the worse. Not only is the grandmother in hospital (heart attack cause the water buffalo just died), he has invested all his spare money in Swiss bank shares, the fool! Read more